INTROVERT EXTROVERT - DOES IT MATTER?

I recently read an article about the New Groupthink.

Have a read and see what you think.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/15/opinion/sunday/the-rise-of-the-new-groupthink.html?pagewanted=all

I am in two minds about this. You see I am an introvert by nature, always have been.
Why am I then blogging to the universe and facebooking? Well I counterbalance it by not twittering or any other new world connections!

I do the things I do to connect, promote or inspire. I don't seek money to benefit, do google ads or adsense. I have no need to gain money, just bring balance to my own world and others.

Back to being an introvert.

In reading the article we can determine that introverts are most creative in a private space. I agree. I hate being watched or on show, I hate being the center of attention. Yet I lecture, chair a network of advanced nurses on the fore of system reform and I post publicly on internet sites. I put myself in front of an audience. Part of that is for self challenge. To see if I can do it and part of it is to share with others.

I cringe before, during and after every "performance". Judging myself before others or how I think others may do.

I would rather be behind the scenes doing great things and occasionally getting some acknowledgement or thanks for it. I would rather be in a cubicle, hidden from the world. However, that cubicle would need a window with sunlight!

So I function as an extrovert on the outside, whilst really I just want to run and hide. But is it that I am by nature an introvert and to share the benefit of my learnings I become the extrovert.

I work in a shared space office, I always have within my less clinical nursing roles. In my mind it makes it awkward, I feel exposed. So I can only imagine how my students or the patient's feel in an open space.

The nature of my latest work is very much collaborative and it is interdisciplinary. It requires multiple conversations a day to cross reference our clinical skill sets in solving client problems. It also creates problems.

In an open space it is very hard to get an intimate or private conversation going. Some conversations are not meant to include everybody. It then becomes difficult in a share space to perform certain functions of leadership roles. There is no private office space and this often means we are relegated to the halls. That looks clandestine and unprofessional.

We run interdisciplinary network groups. These are great for shared problem solving, networking and discussion. The problem with that is, some like sharing more than others and some don't want to participate. Introverts may not feel comfortable speaking up or out and by nature the group becomes unidirectional, shifting in the direction of the most outgoing performers and that is not necessarily the best way.

I prefer to appear like I am constantly struck dumb, than to speak up and look stupid. I am not stupid and when I have my evidence gathered I am happy to share, more than happy.

So I will stick to my true internal needs and perform how I see best.

I think Anais Nin sums it up for me in her quote:

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
― Anaïs Nin

That is how I see life and writing, lecturing, sharing and collaboration. To live life in the moment and then have the ability to reflect in retrospect, once you have put it out there in a group model everyone knows your thoughts!

What are you? An introvert, an extrovert? Does it matter?

And yes there is the intentional jibe in this post to the wondrously talented x- factor wannabe who penned a song by this name: Introvert, extrovert, Does it matter? They were the only words to the song, maybe he should have had a brainstorming session!

ABOUT AMBITION

I am jealous of planned and ambitious people!

The sort who are always together, knows their stuff, are directed, officious and make things look easy.

Jealous because I am in all essence the opposite. I am a drifter, I fall into things rather than plan, I am a procrastinator and I blame that on being a balanced Libran - I see two sides to everything.

I fell into nursing, I fell into year 12, I fell into university, love and marriage. I am not sure that I have ever actively planned and controlled anything in my life. I have never been a planner.

I never planned to get married - I did.

I never planned my pregnancies and they came to me when they should have.

I never planned my career - but I am always landed with opportunities.

In the past year I have been inundated with jobs and job offers. All great, all I am passionate about.

I took one, it was a three month stint. I took it because I felt I had the skills to take it on and make effects within that three month period.

Now 7 months later I am suddenly the level 3 RN in our team.

This is not the first time I have been a level 3 RN, but it has been a long time. Since then  I have had children and my priorities in life have changed. I no longer live, eat and breathe work......

I do the work I do because I love it and I am passionate about it, not for any other reason. Prior to being the level 3 I thought I had the best job in the world. It was a combination of all three of my passions - teaching, community and critical or advanced care. My level 3 is amazing in every sense of the word, she has it all, brains beauty and just one of the nicest people I have ever met.

I have big shoes to fill, but only for 7 months. I wouldn't have taken this in a permanent sense. I feel fraudulent for even having the role - how did I end up here? Yes I went through all the normal routes and interviews. Why didn't I stop and say thanks but no thanks? Why is NO such a hard word for me to say?

I love my level 3 and for some strange reason she has faith in me. She also knows I will keep the program true in its path and I have no agendas and she thinks I won't stuff it up in her absence. I really hope I don't.

You would think I have never been here before, but I have. Last year instead of getting the casual lecturing role I sought, I ended up being the lead lecturer and location coordinator. Prior to that I had acting team leader and quality coordinator roles; Clinical Nurse roles at level 2 and level 3 Clinical Nurse Educator roles.

First group of international students as a Course Coordinator
Now the University has several groups running concurrently.

None of them I asked for, all of them I was asked to do and I did and apparently well.

I know I am a good nurse. I know I am great with the clients I have.

I don't think I am a good leader. I don't do authoritarian and I am a hopeless delegator, I always teeter on trying to be a friend to those I am supposed to lead and in doing so I fail to delegate.

Now it is time for me to "man up", take the lead, take charge. But what if I don't know what I am doing? Say the wrong thing or look stupid?

Once that really would have bothered me and from a personal level. Now I don't actually care what people think of me, but worry that what I do will reflect badly for the rest on my team.

So maybe fate controls me, but it is time for me to take control. I am grateful to receive the challenge, I think...........

This is my unplanned journey and I need to know the destination.

Stay tuned for this one as I fumble and stumble and make the odd bumble.

XXX Fiona