I am not a big fan of Christmas. But this year I loved it!
Selfishly, I did not have to share my family with anyone. We did not have to drive for four to five hours and sleep in one or the other parents house and hope that we were not upsetting someone. We did not have to do lunch here, breakfast there and dinner somewhere else. We did not feel like we were possessions being tossed, pulled or shoved.
We had the privilege of being a family at home in our own home; just the four of us and Charlie the dog.
We were supposed to be joined by some friends (who we knew wouldn't) because they are far too selfish and wanted us to come to their house. We have young children who want to enjoy their toys, their children are grown up and we spent 13 years at their house for Christmas. Besides since they both have lost a licence for DUI it really doesn't even require a discussion for them of who is designated driver!
Alas we were the bigger people and went to their boxing day party and unlike them I brought my children and taught them how to behave. My girls have manners and know how to act. Their teenagers have no manners, no graciousness and certainly are not grateful or respectful. Not even a thank you for the little gift the girls bought them. These are teens who can't make their own lunch, tea or breakfast and can't even cook toast! What hope is there for them in the real world? The evening was pierced with ungrateful comments about the very flashy coffee maker in their kitchen.
"I wanted a juicer! Does this look like a juicer?"
"I only drink flat white, not fancy coffee, why would I want this?"
The fact that these two have the most toxic of relationships makes the above discourse seem friendly, but the sheer lack of gratitude astounds me.
Moving on to the next bunch of ungrateful people - in laws! We bought them a calendar of the girls, some doublemint gum which you have not been able to get for years and they used to use at tennis all the time and they had extra large gifts for their birthdays this year, which was also to form part of their Christmas gifts. Several hundred dollars worth! Apparently though, that was not good enough.
Really! These are people who have everything and need nothing. Again where is the gratitude for the thought? I thought of many of my clients who would be alone, sick, lonely, hungry or harming themselves, wouldn't they love to have any of this? I sometimes wonder if they are not in some ways better off for never having had any of the wealth which brings this ungrateful behaviour to the fore!
Me, well I was spoilt. I have my family back and that in itself is enough. I finally got a Wii and well it is harder than I thought! I also now have a new sound dock as my children have commandeered my Bose sound dock in their bedroom.
I heard from my sister in law, just a text. But I was glad to know she is okay and my mother in law and her husband cooked her lunch on her birthday.
We have money saved and gifted to do some concreting of one shed floor. We caught up with friends and it was a great relaxed time.
I appreciate the time I had with my family and our friends who came to join us later. The joy in seeing our girls and their little mate Jackson rip through the house and backyard and have a ball jumping on the new trampoline (which by the way was easy to put up!). The house was easy to tidy and the kids hardly made a mess, which is in itself another gift!
So as the year comes to a close an my journey is travelling in a positive direction, I would like to take the time to wish you a Happy New Year. May it be safe and filled with hope.
If the past year has not been what you want, create yourself a better year. Take charge of your destiny, steer the carriages the way you want them to go.
Will I travel this way next year? Well who knows.....with a masters degree in process and a Managerial position requiring systemic change and data analysis and political pushing, I may not have time. However, the Gratitude Train has helped me get back on track and I hope that if you are off course that you too will find your way.
xxxx
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Friday, 30 December 2011
Friday, 28 October 2011
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE
What are your views on marriage?
Mine were always that I was quite happy to just be me and never get married. It would not in my mind have changed the love and devotion that I have for my now husband.
In "Baggage from the Marriage Carriage" I talked about this lack of desire to get married.
However, it obviously took my now husband some serious courage to ask me and he did it in the most spectacular way.
I said yes for the right reasons, I married for the right reasons, I stay married for the right reasons.
I indicated that we have had our struggles. I think most marriages do.
One of my fabulous and clever friends sat me down one night and put it quite plainly.
Friend:"What is the worst case scenario? Do you still love him"
Me: "I suppose, I wouldn't put up with this crap if I didn't would I???"
Friend: "Well you at least like him, right?"
Me: "Yes, he isn't always bad"
Friend: "So if we know you at least like him and possibly still love him, lets look at how often you feel that. So if 20% of the time he is a D*&& and 80% of the time he is okay would you throw it away?"
At this point there was quite possibly an incredibly vague look from me as I tried to compute this, or maybe tried to imagine if he was good 80% of the time. So she re-explained.
Friend: "If he is good, you like him, love him 70% of the time and the remaining 30 % of the time you can't stand him, is that worth leaving him for?"
Again probably a blank look from me.
Friend: BIG SIGH! "Worst case scenario here if 60 % of the time he is ok and the other 40% he is a D#$% would you end your marriage for that?"
Me: "Probably not, but it may be more like 50/50 at the moment!"
The point is she highlighted to me that I had something worth saving, he didn't abuse me physically or mentally (though I may argue that during my dark days of PND), he was a great dad and generally a guy that most people like, just not me.
I had choices, either way I took it. It is easier to walk away. I have done it, twice now. The first time in 2006 was easy, just me and the dogs. The next time in 2010 was not so easy as now I had two little people to think about. However, we were not in a good place. We were both really good to each other around our children, but once they were in bed resentments flowed and the tone turned sour, that was if he bothered to be home. His job was very "social".
At the time of me leaving for the second time, I was recovering from PND and just received a post as a University Coordinator. I knew something was not right and a bit of digging and more bluff than fact and I outed his emotional relationship. The me I expected to see was not the me that came out. I will talk about that another time.
Instead I was mature, calm and collected. I first and foremost put my girls welfare first. That meant being nice and inclusive of their dad who was now living 2 hours away, all the while his girlfriend was 5 mins around the corner from me!
I looked up websites such as Dr Phil, found some guy called Jay who blogged about marriage from his point of view and that is good to get that insight. I also found another woman who wrote about how her husbands affair was the best thing that ever happened to her. I thought she was insane and full of the proverbial. What I discovered is that I was not alone in my troubles.
I put to my husband a financial separation plan, I wanted nothing of him, only the house that I paid for, the rest he could have, all the money, trusts, furniture, whatever just take it and I knew I would be able to start again and be fine, but I could never again save for a house. I forwarded him an invitation to a Growing Together in Marriage weekend, not for us to stay together, but so we could communicate nicely and be good separated rather than together. He took it as a sign and wanted to give it a go.
It was a great weekend and I would recommend it to anyone in South Australia.
Please contact them at this site: http://www.gtim.unitingchurch.org.au/
It was a turning point for both of us. A way to begin to mend. It is not run by counsellors per se and whilst it is endorsed by the church due to their belief in marriage, don't let that dissuade you.
Here I am 18months after my marriage ended, still married, still struggling, but nonetheless still happy.
It does not mean I am weak, gullible, stupid. It takes a lot more strength to stay in the face of adversity than it does to leave. Leaving is hard, but staying is much harder and requires a commitment for life.
It is not for the faint hearted!
SO IS YOUR MARRIAGE WORTH THROWING AWAY? Put a figure to it and see; you, like me, may be very surprised.
Stay on board the gratitude train this journey is not over yet, this carriage will always be loaded.
Thanks to my wonderful friend Lia for keeping me straight on the tracks.
xxxxxx
Mine were always that I was quite happy to just be me and never get married. It would not in my mind have changed the love and devotion that I have for my now husband.
In "Baggage from the Marriage Carriage" I talked about this lack of desire to get married.
However, it obviously took my now husband some serious courage to ask me and he did it in the most spectacular way.
I said yes for the right reasons, I married for the right reasons, I stay married for the right reasons.
I indicated that we have had our struggles. I think most marriages do.
One of my fabulous and clever friends sat me down one night and put it quite plainly.
Friend:"What is the worst case scenario? Do you still love him"
Me: "I suppose, I wouldn't put up with this crap if I didn't would I???"
Friend: "Well you at least like him, right?"
Me: "Yes, he isn't always bad"
Friend: "So if we know you at least like him and possibly still love him, lets look at how often you feel that. So if 20% of the time he is a D*&& and 80% of the time he is okay would you throw it away?"
At this point there was quite possibly an incredibly vague look from me as I tried to compute this, or maybe tried to imagine if he was good 80% of the time. So she re-explained.
Friend: "If he is good, you like him, love him 70% of the time and the remaining 30 % of the time you can't stand him, is that worth leaving him for?"
Again probably a blank look from me.
Friend: BIG SIGH! "Worst case scenario here if 60 % of the time he is ok and the other 40% he is a D#$% would you end your marriage for that?"
Me: "Probably not, but it may be more like 50/50 at the moment!"
The point is she highlighted to me that I had something worth saving, he didn't abuse me physically or mentally (though I may argue that during my dark days of PND), he was a great dad and generally a guy that most people like, just not me.
I had choices, either way I took it. It is easier to walk away. I have done it, twice now. The first time in 2006 was easy, just me and the dogs. The next time in 2010 was not so easy as now I had two little people to think about. However, we were not in a good place. We were both really good to each other around our children, but once they were in bed resentments flowed and the tone turned sour, that was if he bothered to be home. His job was very "social".
At the time of me leaving for the second time, I was recovering from PND and just received a post as a University Coordinator. I knew something was not right and a bit of digging and more bluff than fact and I outed his emotional relationship. The me I expected to see was not the me that came out. I will talk about that another time.
Instead I was mature, calm and collected. I first and foremost put my girls welfare first. That meant being nice and inclusive of their dad who was now living 2 hours away, all the while his girlfriend was 5 mins around the corner from me!
I looked up websites such as Dr Phil, found some guy called Jay who blogged about marriage from his point of view and that is good to get that insight. I also found another woman who wrote about how her husbands affair was the best thing that ever happened to her. I thought she was insane and full of the proverbial. What I discovered is that I was not alone in my troubles.
I put to my husband a financial separation plan, I wanted nothing of him, only the house that I paid for, the rest he could have, all the money, trusts, furniture, whatever just take it and I knew I would be able to start again and be fine, but I could never again save for a house. I forwarded him an invitation to a Growing Together in Marriage weekend, not for us to stay together, but so we could communicate nicely and be good separated rather than together. He took it as a sign and wanted to give it a go.
It was a great weekend and I would recommend it to anyone in South Australia.
Please contact them at this site: http://www.gtim.unitingchurch.org.au/
It was a turning point for both of us. A way to begin to mend. It is not run by counsellors per se and whilst it is endorsed by the church due to their belief in marriage, don't let that dissuade you.
Here I am 18months after my marriage ended, still married, still struggling, but nonetheless still happy.
It does not mean I am weak, gullible, stupid. It takes a lot more strength to stay in the face of adversity than it does to leave. Leaving is hard, but staying is much harder and requires a commitment for life.
It is not for the faint hearted!
SO IS YOUR MARRIAGE WORTH THROWING AWAY? Put a figure to it and see; you, like me, may be very surprised.
Stay on board the gratitude train this journey is not over yet, this carriage will always be loaded.
Thanks to my wonderful friend Lia for keeping me straight on the tracks.
xxxxxx
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Give your partner something they need
Say what? Why would I do that you may ask?
How energy consuming is it when you fight with your partner. Did you get the last word in? That fabulous little jibe, laced with a gorgeous dose of sarcasm and a touch of acid at the end. Did your partner call you something you don't like or comment about your wide load?
Do either of you feel better for it?
So you are peeved beyond a doubt at each other, get it out by saying something stating just that. The facts about how you feel and what it is doing to you. Own your own feelings, use I statements, do not project to the other person that this is how they make you feel. No one has the power to make you feel anything.
You control your own mind and thoughts and even when it seems totally out of control, you still own that mind and what you are doing with it. Remember back to the post Crazy little thing called anger? (http://gratitude-train.blogspot.com/2011/08/crazy-little-thing-called-anger.html).
We talked about anger being a state of mind and that all you need to do is observe it and move on. Anger is a primitive emotion and it is meant to serve a purpose. That purpose was not to harm another with harsh words, anger was originally part of our "flight or fight" response. Now all we seem to want to do these days is fight, fight, fight.
Observe the anger about your partner being a *&^$%#%$^&(*&^&^%$%^ or whatever you want to call each other or think. Then move on, tell yourself that in 5 minutes this will be of no relevance, in 5 hours it is so in the past it is hardly worth thinking on and in 5 days there will be bigger fish to fry!
Remember no one has the power to make you feel any particular way.
Own your anger and actions.
Replace any thoughts of it is them or how they make you feel with "I feel this way because you did not listen" or whatever it may be.
The anger is yours, brought on by you, not your partner.
Really let it go, walk over say nicely "At the moment I am struggling with how I feel. I need some space. I love you".
The first few times through gritted teeth it may seem disingenuous, it gets easier, even in the really big blow ups.
You may say this is rubbish, as if it could work.
I was the Queen of hostile anger, many people still fear me from my blow ups when I was younger.
The heat of my anger burnt many people including me.
Now pfft, I let it go, most of the time. It is a lesson well worth learning, one worth practicing and life is too short to spend any of it angry at the person you love.
Here's looking at you Rich, I love you!
How energy consuming is it when you fight with your partner. Did you get the last word in? That fabulous little jibe, laced with a gorgeous dose of sarcasm and a touch of acid at the end. Did your partner call you something you don't like or comment about your wide load?
Do either of you feel better for it?
So you are peeved beyond a doubt at each other, get it out by saying something stating just that. The facts about how you feel and what it is doing to you. Own your own feelings, use I statements, do not project to the other person that this is how they make you feel. No one has the power to make you feel anything.
You control your own mind and thoughts and even when it seems totally out of control, you still own that mind and what you are doing with it. Remember back to the post Crazy little thing called anger? (http://gratitude-train.blogspot.com/2011/08/crazy-little-thing-called-anger.html).
We talked about anger being a state of mind and that all you need to do is observe it and move on. Anger is a primitive emotion and it is meant to serve a purpose. That purpose was not to harm another with harsh words, anger was originally part of our "flight or fight" response. Now all we seem to want to do these days is fight, fight, fight.
Observe the anger about your partner being a *&^$%#%$^&(*&^&^%$%^ or whatever you want to call each other or think. Then move on, tell yourself that in 5 minutes this will be of no relevance, in 5 hours it is so in the past it is hardly worth thinking on and in 5 days there will be bigger fish to fry!
Remember no one has the power to make you feel any particular way.
Own your anger and actions.
Replace any thoughts of it is them or how they make you feel with "I feel this way because you did not listen" or whatever it may be.
The anger is yours, brought on by you, not your partner.
Really let it go, walk over say nicely "At the moment I am struggling with how I feel. I need some space. I love you".
The first few times through gritted teeth it may seem disingenuous, it gets easier, even in the really big blow ups.
You may say this is rubbish, as if it could work.
I was the Queen of hostile anger, many people still fear me from my blow ups when I was younger.
The heat of my anger burnt many people including me.
Now pfft, I let it go, most of the time. It is a lesson well worth learning, one worth practicing and life is too short to spend any of it angry at the person you love.
Here's looking at you Rich, I love you!
Friday, 23 September 2011
FREAKY FRIDAY
FREAKY FRIDAY
Today I lost my cool. It was not cool.
I have not been paid for a long time by one of my casual roles. In the first instance it was my fault in the delay, but not for the last 8 weeks which is the length of time I have actively been pursuing my pay.
I had scheduled many things around this time which would require payment. Landscaping (ok more like demolition), cubby house, solar power and a shed.
The landscaping is so we can put in the cubby and shed.
The cubby is to entertain my little ones, who dearly miss their cubby from the house we rented in the country.
The shed is so that we can move everything out of our attached garage into a freestanding triple garage at the back of our quarter acre. This gives us more storage to put our "junk" in, park a car and to put the "gym". Then we can demolish our attached garage and make way for the reno's!
The reno's are not an optional keeping up with the Jones's type thing; more a matter of absolute necessity.
Our kitchen circa 1957 has a galvanised pipe running under the laundry floor, which is Terrazzo. The pipe is rusting on the inside and blocks weekly. Short of continuing to use highly toxic chemicals that cost $65 a litre each month, the pipe needs repair. The roof over the laundry has rotted, due to previous tenants not clearing the gutter and not telling us (they were friends and we let them have freedom -too much!).
So the most sensible and cost effective option is to get rid of our antique kitchen and laundry and upgrade, there is no common sense alternative. I digress.
Oh and solar power was just to offset my huge electricity bill in winter. I am not a R/C A/C junkie, but I do have to keep my child's room warm as her asthma trigger is none other than ...cold. Having just reviewed my latest bill which is about $80 more for this quarter than last year, yet I have used considerably less mega joules I know that solar will pay off for our family.
SO back to my pay. It was a he said/she said/ haven't seen it blah, blah, blah. Passing of the buck, claiming of ignorance and a nice little statement of "Hopefully HR will agree to release funds in an off pay week".
It is not up to HR to decide if they would like to pay me. I have a contract. I have met my end of the deal. We have industrial laws in this country that will protect me and my right to be paid. I am in the union, we have an ombudsman and I am not the only one who did not get paid.
My anger did subside. I was disappointed I let myself go there. My girls wanted to go collecting sticks and leaves today so that we could make our camping centrepiece. We couldn't go as I was negotiating to be paid and e-mailing the multiple time sheets and contracts all over again.
If I do not do my job, someone may die. It is pretty serious stuff. How is it that others do not apply the same ethos to their jobs?
It took me a lot of internal work today to keep my anger in check. It didn't always work.
I am grateful that my girls gave me big cuddles, listened to my apologies for yelling at them and did not complain once about not going for our collection walk!
I nearly fell off the gratitude train today and that would have hurt. Lucky I am still in for the ride, hang in there if you feel off balance, there are bumps in every ride!
Today I lost my cool. It was not cool.
I have not been paid for a long time by one of my casual roles. In the first instance it was my fault in the delay, but not for the last 8 weeks which is the length of time I have actively been pursuing my pay.
I had scheduled many things around this time which would require payment. Landscaping (ok more like demolition), cubby house, solar power and a shed.
The landscaping is so we can put in the cubby and shed.
The cubby is to entertain my little ones, who dearly miss their cubby from the house we rented in the country.
The shed is so that we can move everything out of our attached garage into a freestanding triple garage at the back of our quarter acre. This gives us more storage to put our "junk" in, park a car and to put the "gym". Then we can demolish our attached garage and make way for the reno's!
The reno's are not an optional keeping up with the Jones's type thing; more a matter of absolute necessity.
Our kitchen circa 1957 has a galvanised pipe running under the laundry floor, which is Terrazzo. The pipe is rusting on the inside and blocks weekly. Short of continuing to use highly toxic chemicals that cost $65 a litre each month, the pipe needs repair. The roof over the laundry has rotted, due to previous tenants not clearing the gutter and not telling us (they were friends and we let them have freedom -too much!).
 |
| The kitchen in question! |
So the most sensible and cost effective option is to get rid of our antique kitchen and laundry and upgrade, there is no common sense alternative. I digress.
Oh and solar power was just to offset my huge electricity bill in winter. I am not a R/C A/C junkie, but I do have to keep my child's room warm as her asthma trigger is none other than ...cold. Having just reviewed my latest bill which is about $80 more for this quarter than last year, yet I have used considerably less mega joules I know that solar will pay off for our family.
SO back to my pay. It was a he said/she said/ haven't seen it blah, blah, blah. Passing of the buck, claiming of ignorance and a nice little statement of "Hopefully HR will agree to release funds in an off pay week".
It is not up to HR to decide if they would like to pay me. I have a contract. I have met my end of the deal. We have industrial laws in this country that will protect me and my right to be paid. I am in the union, we have an ombudsman and I am not the only one who did not get paid.
My anger did subside. I was disappointed I let myself go there. My girls wanted to go collecting sticks and leaves today so that we could make our camping centrepiece. We couldn't go as I was negotiating to be paid and e-mailing the multiple time sheets and contracts all over again.
If I do not do my job, someone may die. It is pretty serious stuff. How is it that others do not apply the same ethos to their jobs?
It took me a lot of internal work today to keep my anger in check. It didn't always work.
I am grateful that my girls gave me big cuddles, listened to my apologies for yelling at them and did not complain once about not going for our collection walk!
I nearly fell off the gratitude train today and that would have hurt. Lucky I am still in for the ride, hang in there if you feel off balance, there are bumps in every ride!
Monday, 29 August 2011
CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED ANGER!
Anger can't always be prevented, nor should it be. Anger is an inevitable emotion, even a protective one when it helps us recognize a problem that we need to try to solve. ~Brazelton and Sparrow
I don't agree with the whole of the above statement. Anger can't always be prevented and with that I agree. I also agree that it can be a protective emotion, in small doses. However, I do not believe it needs to be solved.
Have you ever been so angry you felt you could hurt someone?
Ever yelled so much that your head hurt whilst you were yelling?
Have you ever been so angry that the words coming out of your mouth were not really something you wanted to say, but you had lost control?
Many people feel angry. Anger is a normal emotion, what is not normal is how we let it control our lives.
What is anger?
Is it just an emotion?
Is it physical?
Is it a sensation?
Is is it an object?
What makes us angry? Who makes us angry?
These are some of the questions we may ask. More important than any of those answers though is why do we let ourselves get angry?
It is not pleasant to feel angry. Our blood pressure rises, our heart rate rises and we make our heart work harder. We send our endocrine system into overdrive producing stress hormones and when this is an ongoing habit that we form, we begin to see it manifest physically. We develop ulcers, frown lines, high blood pressure, a shorter temper, agitated, we worry more and we then get on a circle of being angry little victims in life. Anger very much feels physical and produces unpleasant sensations in our minds and our bodies. So what you may say? Over time and that can be a lifetime or a few months, it takes time from our lives. It is minutes, hours, weeks or days that we can not claim back once we feel happy again. Anger robs us time.
No one has the power to make us angry. No thing has the power to make us angry. There is nothing in the world that wields more power than our own minds can and it is only our state of mind that can reset the balance of power.
If you look at the Buddhist belief anger is just a state of mind. Anger is not an object. It is not an actual being and it is not something that is actively in control. The buddhists call it a delusion. They do not mean this in the true psychiatric sense of the word, but more that it is a state of mind which is out of balance.
Think of an example of a time when you have been angry. It doesn't matter how angry you were, but what was it that got up your goat so to speak?
Was it the moron in the four wheel drive that cut you off whilst they were talking on their mobile phone?
The boss who gave you a job at the last minute that they need first thing in the morning?
Is is a co-worker who continuously runs late, takes long breaks and never pulls their weight yet always seem to get rewarded?
Are the kids fighting continuously, being demanding, not helping?
What was it that made you angry?
Now that you have recognised the anger trigger what do you do with it?
Let it go.
Seriously, let it go.
What do you gain from being angry about this particular thing or at a person? Will the world end? No it won't.
Sure your house may not get cleaned; the kids may trash it and themselves; you may be late for work; your co-worker will always be an inconsiderate twit and your boss well perhaps you could give them some tips on being organised and delegating responsibly.
I spent a great deal of my life being angry. Angry at and about everything, but really about nothing. There were a few things I could change or control, but the biggest change had to come from me. It is an amazing feeling to let go. It is not easy, it will come in time. The next time that moron cuts you off in traffic you will smile to yourself and arrive to work maybe a few minutes late but at least you will be alive!
As for the rest let it go, in doing so you will save yourself time.
You won't lose any more time being angry about something you may or may not have any control over.
If you can make change, that is great we will look at that in time to come. So stay on board with me and I hope you will see things you haven't seen before. This is the gratitude-train and it is great to be alive.
References:
http://demandingjoy.com/?p=1024
http://kadampa.org/en/reference/what-is-the-mind/
I don't agree with the whole of the above statement. Anger can't always be prevented and with that I agree. I also agree that it can be a protective emotion, in small doses. However, I do not believe it needs to be solved.
Have you ever been so angry you felt you could hurt someone?
Ever yelled so much that your head hurt whilst you were yelling?
Have you ever been so angry that the words coming out of your mouth were not really something you wanted to say, but you had lost control?
Many people feel angry. Anger is a normal emotion, what is not normal is how we let it control our lives.
What is anger?
Is it just an emotion?
Is it physical?
Is it a sensation?
Is is it an object?
What makes us angry? Who makes us angry?
These are some of the questions we may ask. More important than any of those answers though is why do we let ourselves get angry?
It is not pleasant to feel angry. Our blood pressure rises, our heart rate rises and we make our heart work harder. We send our endocrine system into overdrive producing stress hormones and when this is an ongoing habit that we form, we begin to see it manifest physically. We develop ulcers, frown lines, high blood pressure, a shorter temper, agitated, we worry more and we then get on a circle of being angry little victims in life. Anger very much feels physical and produces unpleasant sensations in our minds and our bodies. So what you may say? Over time and that can be a lifetime or a few months, it takes time from our lives. It is minutes, hours, weeks or days that we can not claim back once we feel happy again. Anger robs us time.
No one has the power to make us angry. No thing has the power to make us angry. There is nothing in the world that wields more power than our own minds can and it is only our state of mind that can reset the balance of power.
If you look at the Buddhist belief anger is just a state of mind. Anger is not an object. It is not an actual being and it is not something that is actively in control. The buddhists call it a delusion. They do not mean this in the true psychiatric sense of the word, but more that it is a state of mind which is out of balance.
Think of an example of a time when you have been angry. It doesn't matter how angry you were, but what was it that got up your goat so to speak?
Was it the moron in the four wheel drive that cut you off whilst they were talking on their mobile phone?
The boss who gave you a job at the last minute that they need first thing in the morning?
Is is a co-worker who continuously runs late, takes long breaks and never pulls their weight yet always seem to get rewarded?
Are the kids fighting continuously, being demanding, not helping?
What was it that made you angry?
Now that you have recognised the anger trigger what do you do with it?
Let it go.
Seriously, let it go.
What do you gain from being angry about this particular thing or at a person? Will the world end? No it won't.
Sure your house may not get cleaned; the kids may trash it and themselves; you may be late for work; your co-worker will always be an inconsiderate twit and your boss well perhaps you could give them some tips on being organised and delegating responsibly.
I spent a great deal of my life being angry. Angry at and about everything, but really about nothing. There were a few things I could change or control, but the biggest change had to come from me. It is an amazing feeling to let go. It is not easy, it will come in time. The next time that moron cuts you off in traffic you will smile to yourself and arrive to work maybe a few minutes late but at least you will be alive!
As for the rest let it go, in doing so you will save yourself time.
You won't lose any more time being angry about something you may or may not have any control over.
If you can make change, that is great we will look at that in time to come. So stay on board with me and I hope you will see things you haven't seen before. This is the gratitude-train and it is great to be alive.
References:
http://demandingjoy.com/?p=1024
http://kadampa.org/en/reference/what-is-the-mind/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)